I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
