This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
