Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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