We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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