I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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