all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
