You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
