Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
