There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
