just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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