Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We need to get me chipped asap
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
