I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
