I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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