dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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