I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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