White coat. Heels.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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