Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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