I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
