Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
