I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize