do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
