apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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