I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
