Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
