i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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