high people should be assigned attendants
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
