I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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