Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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