i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
