your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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