Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
