2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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