it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
