I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
