My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
