benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
