She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
