Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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