so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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