i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
