her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
