Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
