I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize
