And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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