Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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