That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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