dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
