i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
