My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
