I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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