Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
