Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
