just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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