My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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