there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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