i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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