How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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