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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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