***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
