you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
