Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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