Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my poor anus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize