i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
