I need help removing her.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
