I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
