How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
