Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
