Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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