i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I will pee on everything he values.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
