the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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