My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize