I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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