I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
