So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
