1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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