I wanna bring you to show and tell
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
