my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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